Reflect and Recommit: Harness Your Values for a Joyful Holiday Season
November signals the fast-paced end to another year. With holiday celebrations, family gatherings, kids off from school, and all the hubub of jam-packed weekend plans, it’s difficult to pause and take a breath.
Luckily for us, the field of behavior analysis is all about slowing down and finding ways to change behaviors for the better. Did you know that the scientific term “behavior” can include things others can observe (like mixing a casserole for Thanksgiving) and private thoughts and feelings (like worrying that the turkey will dry out in the oven)? During this season of busyness, let’s take a moment to practice some mindfulness… applied behavior analysis style.
Acceptance Commitment Therapy: A Behavior-Change Take on Mindfulness
In Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT), the focus is on practicing mindfulness to identify one’s values so that outward behaviors can change in a positive way. The goal of ACT is to develop something called “psychological flexibility” where you can accept difficult thoughts and feelings and continue to commit to outward behaviors that align with what matters most.
From a behavior analytic standpoint, ACT is a valuable tool for identifying helpful and unhelpful behaviors and committing to positive change. The following practice will only take five minutes and will help you develop some more psychological flexibility as we all head into a stressful holiday season.
The ACT Matrix: Identify Your Values
The following exercise is based off a resource titled The ACT Matrix by TheOxfordPsych. You can find a printable version of the ACT matrix here* or take a piece of paper and divide it into four quadrants like the visual above. Follow these four steps to fill out your own ACT matrix!
*(or use this link: https://www.carepatron.com/files/act-matrix-pdf.pdf)
- Bottom right box: Who and what’s important?
Fill up this section with everything you value – and are grateful for – in this present moment. Write down specific people you value – your kids, family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors. Also consider what you value – for example, being a good friend or parent, having a strong work ethic, engaging in creativity, or spending quality time with loved ones.
- Bottom left box: What unwanted internal stuff shows up in you?
When you think about your values – what you really want to prioritize in life – what are the barriers? Maybe it’s feelings like stress, fear, exhaustion, or anxiety. Maybe certain thoughts, like “I’m not a good parent” or “I’m not as creative as everyone else,” get in the way of living out your values fully. These inside feelings and thoughts are behaviors, even if no one but you can see them.
- Top left box: What away behaviors do you do?
Look at your list in the bottom left box and think about what specific, outward behaviors you might engage in when these feelings and thoughts are in control. If the thought “I’m not a good friend” gets in the way of your value of friendship, an outward behavior might be not replying to texts from others or declining invitations to join social events. If stress gets in the way of your value of quality time with family, this might look like a too-full calendar or speeding in your minivan to get to the next appointment on time. Just take a moment, without judgement, to notice these observable behaviors.
- Top right box: What toward behaviors could you do?
What observable, outward behaviors are directly influenced by your specified values? If you value family, an observable behavior might be engaging in family movie nights every Friday or going to the park after school with your kids. If you value kindness, outward behavior might be holding the door for strangers or bringing your neighbor homemade brownies.
Reflect: Where are You?
You’ve now completed your very first ACT matrix! This is a great way to create a visual representation of what you value most and identify specific behaviors that are value-driven.
Now it’s time for some reflection. Think about your day-to-day life. Where are you on this graph? Do the outward behaviors you engage in everyday reflect your values, placing you on the right side of the graph and towards your values? Or are you on the left side of the graph, moving away from your values due to unhelpful feelings and thoughts?
Wherever you are on this matrix, recognize for just a moment that this is a practice in noticing, not judging. It’s 100% okay if you are more on the “away” side of this matrix in this season of life.
There is good news: Acceptance Commitment Therapy is all about recognizing and accepting your thoughts and feelings. At the same time, it’s an encouragement to commit to behaviors that are value-driven, one small step at a time.
Choose Value-Driven Behavior This Holiday Season
You might hear “behavior change” thrown around a lot in the world of ABA. But it’s not just a science-y term. You can apply it to your life right now using the ACT matrix to identify your values and value-driven behaviors. Behavior change is all about “psychological flexibility” – accepting that some thoughts get in the way of your values and identifying that those thoughts don’t have to control your outward behaviors.
Amid a ramping up holiday season where it’s easy to wait for New Year’s Day to commit to value-driven behavior, choose to commit today. Take five minutes, right now, to realign yourself with what matters most, so that you can enjoy all the holiday fun with intentionality and focus.
If you found this article interesting, I highly recommend checking out The ACT Therapist – YouTube to take a deeper dive into these concepts.
Author: Erin Walker, RBT.
